The light always lies dormant, hidden inside of the darkness
Recently, I wrote quite a lot about our addiction to suffering and our blindness and unwillingness to face our hidden wounds or adversity of our lives. I haven’t changed my point of view. But perhaps there are some of us, including some part of me, asking: “OK. I see your point of view and maybe I would even agree. But what do you want to do about it?”
Well, since I cannot answer this question for anybody else as I don’t live somebody else’s experience, perhaps there is something that I can suggest to us all.
We all went through countless of the so-called “failures”. Unlucky events, dramatic situations, miscarried relationships or marriages, personal, financial and family losses and so on. We all then became more or less resentful, defeatist and distrustful to continue or start again. Simply, to open ourselves to life again. And I’m not trying to question this attitude. I myself am in this mood often. But then I always realize that it doesn’t lead anywhere. It’s just a small, insulted and sullen unintegrated child-self within us playing its game. We have to give him space, but we also need to keep this space inside strict borders. Otherwise, he likes to take advantage of it and jump over our heads quickly.
Let’s consider the whole “concept of failures and mistakes” from a little bit different point of view.
What if it was all meant to happen…?
All those failures, misfortunate events, badly-ended relationships, unsuccessful job experiences, losses and life adversities. What if it all happened on purpose? Perhaps to enable us to receive whatever is required to grow, whenever it is required. Can you imagine such a scenario? Just try to stretch your mind a little bit and allow yourself for a while…
I give you a short example. A personal experience. About a year ago, maybe more, I went for a small trip into nature with one of my friends. His name is Sasha. And we went to a beautiful lake in the middle of the mountains, Saint Anna’s Lake. The lake is actually well-known for a high appearance of bears and even on the way there, when we stopped by the road to buy some refreshments, an old woman warned us to be aware, as one of the bears was coming down to the lake often those days.
We spent some time walking around the lake and waiting for a boat to rent. And then suddenly a bear appeared on the other side of the lake. Sasha noticed him and I said, “Let’s go to see him!”. Crazy enough we both had been, we started to walk towards the other side of the lake. While on the way, I turned to Sasha and I said: “But what if he starts to run our direction?” Not a few seconds passed and there he was, running directly against us through the forest’s alley, at a great speed. And of course, we didn’t even have time to consider what to do if that happens. Obviously, despite all the official rules and advice of experts, we both run into a small panic. It took him maybe 5-6 seconds to reach us. Already on an escape, I managed to climb on one of the trees, he didn’t and was running between the trees and into the lake and back. Eventually, he got stuck in the mud and he fell on the ground. Lying on his back in the mud with the animal above him, he was kicking and screaming heavily. I was watching all the story from the safety of the tree.
Long story short, the bear let him be at the end and went away. He was in a deep shock for about a next half an hour. Muddy, wet, trembling a lot. I let him be with himself for a while. And when he started to speak, I was quite surprised. As along with a lot of fear releasing, I noticed a deep inner sense of calmness, peace and strength he started to radiate for a while. And I will forever remember what he told me then. He said “Jan, when I was down on the ground, looking into his jaws, at one moment I realized that he doesn’t want to hurt me. He only wanted to show me something. And it was for the first time in my life I could see, that I am completely frozen in a huge fear, which keeps me in its thrall. And therefore, I am unable to move towards myself and my true path”. I was just listening and I didn’t say anything at that moment. But it was for the first time I witnessed the huge power which lies dormant, hidden inside of him, behind the fear…
All such events and situations, if we are attentive and let go of “the drama” around, can teach us a vast amount of knowledge about ourselves. Through others, through the experience itself, through observing our behaviour, through witnessing the consequences of these events. Just through this single one experience, I learned so much. I realized that whenever I am in danger, I immediately “climb up the tree” where I believe I’m safe. And it’s true! The same as is true for Sasha, that whenever he senses the danger, he first runs, then he exhausts himself and falls into the mud, trying to fight off the danger. Because he believes that down there, in the mud, he’s safe. Those are our deepest, unconscious “protective” patterns. The ancient instincts of how we deal with life and act out of fear. But today I know, that hiding in the illusory safety of the tree and looking down at my “brother”, lying on the ground in mud and fighting with the beast doesn’t serve me anymore. It doesn’t serve us anymore. Looking in hindsight, back to Saint Anna’s Lake, I was not realizing yet that we are one-egg twins. Like Castor & Pollux or Romulus & Remus. I hide in the tree. Instead of going down, staying with him and helping both of us to overpower the beast and rise up together…
One can see the experience and the behaviour we have demonstrated at that very moment as a weakness or can make a huge drama out of it. While completely missing “the lesson”.
But this experience, through him and me respectively, actually showed me everything I needed to see at that very moment. It showed me where my weakness – as an opportunity to grow, as well as my true strength, lies. Without even trying. We can learn so much from our experiences and others. We just need to be aware and attentive. Understand the roles within the story and give up “the drama part”, at some point. We don’t need all those events, gurus and books out there. Not really. The structure is of less importance. It’s not about the structure. Once we transcend the limitation of the structure, we can learn and grow anywhere, anytime, through and from anyone. And man, it’s the world vast, huge and borderless! Full of structures, experiences and opportunities to grow.
And so the story continues. Just with one little difference. That now I know what is my deepest unconscious protective pattern and how does it manifest in the world. Thus I can respond accordingly. Remember, that we can turn back the time and repeat the time-loop, whenever it’s necessary when the Devil doesn’t seem to cooperate…
And what did he learn from the experience? I don’t know. I never asked. For it’s not of my business and it never was the point of my focus.
By the way, my friend Sasha is a very strong man deep inside. In his true nature. He just doesn’t know about it. Yet. Because every time he senses “a danger”, he runs away from it and falls exhausted, down on the ground. Instead of facing it and digging his true power out of it.
So I invite all of us to consider our weakness or a current adverse situation from a different angle. Just to look from a different point of view. To take some quiet space for a short time, bring up a current or past “failure or adverse event” and consider it. Dig down, contemplate, let it sink us in and we will eventually recognize a hidden purpose in it. And if not now, then we will see it later. It’s not important to find it right away. Just don’t relent. Continue following the path to its conclusion. Do the best we can in each moment and let the life to take care of the rest. The mystery will unravel itself one day.
How can I be so sure? Hmm… I have no idea. Perhaps because one of my favourite movies, and I don’t have a lot of favourite movies, is called “The Bear”. And it was certainly one of the strongest aspects which brought me to British Columbia’s wilderness more than 9 years ago.
Personally, I am pretty sure that there’s no failure. There’s no problem, mistake, accident or error. That the whole “concept of failures and mistakes” is a pure illusion of the mind. The mind, which cannot see the whole picture. The whole story. And I am pretty sure that all there is, is an energetical potential.
Take heart to unravel yours…