Reaction or response?
I was turning 33 years of age when a woman appeared in my life. I climbed a lot in that period and she just joined our group at one of the trips into mountains. It was warm June, the beginning of the summer. We were in a beautiful green valley, surrounded by pudding-stone rocks from all around. A splendid piece of land. There are certain people to whom I always felt strongly drown for no reason immediately when I met them and she was one of them. A few years older, with adorable curly hair. Emanating a kind of a magical magnetism around, she somehow naturally differed from all others. As if there were nothing and nobody able to chain her down. I felt a huge strength and an utmost vulnerability at the same time. But what really attracted me was a very subtle and delicate, yet powerful to me unknown force, penetrating all her environment. The outer manifestation of that mixture was a strong but natural self-assurance she emanated. I guess I simply fell in love with that “package”. Only in hindsight, after years, have I realised that she came to remind me of the past. More precisely, its unintegrated shadow nature. The same as all other women before. In other words, the energetical environment I experienced inside the mother’s womb. For the mother’s part, mainly Force. An extremely powerful energy of force. From below. And Oppression from above. Even more powerful. Belonged to my father. To balance the form’s grounding. The rest is inessential.
Walking through life over the years I realised, that this is a reality of the vast majority of people on this planet. And an underlying reason for most of the conflicts, wars and misunderstandings both on a personal and collective level. It is the unavoidable energetical state we currently experience collectively. We are all imprisoned between various proportions of these two forces playing within. And thus fully identified with “the space in between”. With the unintegrated past. Ungrounded by a strong force coming from the Mother who we are completely attached to, while under the oppression of the Father which is, therefore, unfortunately, an unpleasant must. It’s unavoidable since we keep away from taking responsibility for the consequences of its causal point. As first, we are not even willing to acknowledge our true state. Which is a must pre-requisite prior to any change. Well, everything has got its own time.
Nevertheless, what’s most important, I saw through my own experience and by observing the stories of others that we all endeavour, consciously or unconsciously, to liberate ourselves from this state. In other words, that life on Earth currently is an unconscious tread to integrate the womb imprint. To integrate the consequences of “the Big Bang”. It is actually from the very beginning of time, but that’s another story. The good news is that all that’s happening in our lives serves this purpose. Every single step, decision or action we take consciously or unconsciously leads towards the integration of the shadow nature. Whether it’s a chosen country of living, the job we work at, the partner we live with or anything else. Regardless if we are aware of it or not. Very often it’s not what we want or wishes for, but it is certainly what is required.
Life strives for its embodiment. Which is the upcoming paradigm on this planet.
In my case, the experience of knowing her certainly triggered a vast change in my life. Not that it wouldn’t be already happening, but it was a massive “kick in my ass”. As far as I remember, from that time things got momentum and all slowly began to fall apart. Without a blink of an eye, her presence smashed down all my preconceptions and beliefs about life. The whole perspective I held at that time fell apart entirely. Her lifestyle was all that I ever dreamed of until then but was never able to bring about. She had her own business, her living, freedom in time-management. An independent life. Detached from “the old, collective system” we’re all slaves of. Nobody controlled her, nobody seemed to have any power over what, how and when she was doing. Well, at least I thought at that time…
It was only much later I found out and realised what a superficial fairy-tale it was. Both mine and her beliefs and “world”. Until then I was living my small, tight and quiet life. Not truly happy or fulfilled to be honest, but I had my comfort – a decent car, nice place to live and above all I had my safety. I simply lived, like most of us, in a repressive mode of quiet desperation. Unlike she lived in a reactive mode of a superficial fairy-tale. Just the opposite side of the very same denial. However, strange things started to happen when we went our ways. Apart from a small inner “emotional drama” which underpins such experiences I came into contact with some aspects of the ancient world’s tradition and my own roots. Day by day, I slowly began being aware of the depth of my misery and a huge pressure held inside for years was just about to explode.
As it happened at the end. When I look back at those times all I see is a huge unconscious reaction to life in all fields. But surprisingly, I have no regrets. Moreover, I am almost sure that it was necessary. And I’m not really convinced if that even was unwanted or unplanned. Vice versa. I see this “reactionary chapter” as an unavoidable part of the evolution and life itself. A transition phase on a path to psychological adulthood. This is the well-known first step into an individual uniqueness, the adolescence of personal (and collective) evolution. And there always has to be something or somebody that shake us out of our deep indifference and inertia into such a move.
By the way, I can hardly comprehend the amount of knowledge and wisdom it brought into my life. Yes, my professional career fell into pieces and all the money and possessions are gone. But what I have learned and realised as a side-effect of that step cannot be repaid by anything in the whole world.
Even more importantly, it would all be useless and in vain without then making the second step, with the other feet. The step out of our hidden and oppressed self-obsession, greed, selfishness and ignorance. That keeps us in our minds – in dreaming about our true-selves, fantasising about love and hoping in miracles, rather than acting towards our liberation.
Where I’m eventually heading by sharing a small part of my personal story is to point out that life simply happens. It’s an endless growing, coming out of an evolutionary & involutionary urge which we can’t do anything about. It’s a “program” unfolding in a 7-stages pattern, without a reverse gear and all we can do is to surrender to its pace and intention as much as possible. We are not a director of the story, neither are we a keeper of the scenario. But merely an actor amongst all the other ones. Our task is to play the role to the best of our abilities. Which also doesn’t mean at all that we are powerless. We actually have a vast power to change the whole of the world’s direction. But only within the limitations of our role. So the whole trick is to align ourselves with our role in the story. And that we can only achieve by stop reacting to life and by responding to what comes towards us from the future all along.
By integrating the past and simultaneously cutting off the future which keeps alive all the interference patterns holding us away from recognising our true role in life. By embodying the truth. In other words by getting out of our minds and grounding back into our bodies. Thus connecting with our roots once again. For this is the next step coming towards us from the future. Individually as well as collectively.
And what does it mean to ground?
It’s a good question. While I don’t know what does it mean to ground for you, I’ll gladly share what I see connected to this modern “mystery” in general. I saw it, as always, while wandering for years in my beloved nature and then I brought it into my own experience.
All the sentient life on Earth and perhaps in all the Universe grows through strengthening the roots. The whole nature’s flow is moving, growing and feeding itself in the direction of the gravitational force. Down, towards the Earth. Towards matter, towards the core. The woman gives birth and the child leaves the womb down, from between of her hips. The rain falls on the ground and into the rivers. The rivers then flow down the valleys into the sea and ocean. The rocks are always falling down from the mountains. The digestion system within the human body moves down. The energetical system is moving and cleaning itself through moving down. The apocrine system moves down. When we die, the body gets back into the ground to recycle. All the food comes from the ground or else grows from the ground. Hardly anything in the whole nature moves up without having firm roots in the ground. Even when the birds fly into the air, they do so only to spot the prey or relocate to a different place. Yes, all the trees, plants, birds and even human beings are physically growing towards the Sun. Growing in a direction up, away from the ground. But only as a “side-effect” of strengthening the roots and never without first having those strong roots, without firm foundations. No bird would be able to fly without getting back to the ground – to feed itself and rest. No tree would be able to grow up towards the sky without having strong and deep roots in the ground. While at the same time receiving all the nutrition from the ground. And the same applies to anything in nature. Including a human race.
The infinite cycle of life and death always ends on the ground where it began. Everything always comes full circle at the end. Every story once begins and also ends right down, at the ground.
It seems that only human beings are representing some kind of anomaly – trying to raise more and more up, towards the sky and space without having a proper grounding system in place. We would like to fly, travel into space, raise, search for life on the Moon and we employ a huge amount of resources to achieve all this. But unfortunately by lacking any integrity and sustainability from the long-term point of view. Without being aware, seeing and realising that our relationship to our roots – to nature, to the Mother, to Earth is one of rage, anger, disgust and disrespect. We are plundering our roots for a long time now. Cutting ourselves off from our foundations, of which the consequences are that we are completely ungrounded, uncertain, utterly stressed and living entirely inside of the superficial illusion of reality, created by the mind.
What I’m saying here is not that the resolution or a way out of this blind way would be the new age “saving the Earth” movement. Along with all its funny and sometimes insane manifestations. Including all the “peace” organisations, rebel communities, “into the wild” runners or the whole “bio” industry. Not at all. Even if that is surely a part of the journey from the long term, it cannot resolve anything at all.
Unless we would all approach the causal point of the issue – which is our relationship to our own mother – and bring all our focus there. Simply bring your birth-mother into your awareness and see how you truly feel, to test this. What would we eventually find at the end are our small, unattended, needy and unintegrated child-selves. And with a lot of awareness we would then realise that the vast majority of all our “adult” decisions, actions and needs are still driven by this small, unattended, needy child-self inside us. For example, we would see, that all the “luxurious needs and demands” of the modern society are, apart from a distraction serving to take our attention off our true inner condition, nothing but our unconscious desire to get back into the comfort and safety of the mother’s womb. We have built a whole billion-dollar industry of hotels, wellness centres, shopping malls, spas and the modern luxurious movement out of our unconscious infant’s desire to get back to the mother’s womb. Because on an unconscious level, we still didn’t realise we are out. Crazy, isn’t it? And that’s just one small example.
And when we begin to realise we are out, then we, driven by our unconscious fear, quickly slip into another extreme – a fight for life. Little do we know that we just moved from the repressive into the reactive side of the shadow. From the emotional into mental. And only when this phase exhausts itself can we finally realise we are really out and that we don’t have to fight for life anymore. In other words that we don’t have to oppress life anymore, neither do we have to react to it. And so we can finally relieve and perhaps also enjoy it. But it takes some work.
It’s just a conditioned human mind, afraid of death, which wants to go up, up and up. In its blindness unable to see that to rise up we actually have to go deeper and deeper down. As without having firm and strong roots in the ground, without a healthy and strong bond with the Mother, we cannot rise up. And if we do and try – and as we are humans we will, of course, all that happens is that we become ungrounded. Then we unavoidably end up under oppression, which is the way life must use to balance our unconscious urge to “fly away into the skies” when we are not ready yet.
The conditioned mind which wants to go up even if it doesn’t know where “up”. And that only because it still didn’t grasp the fact that there is no “up”. That the “up” is a delusional belief and historical dogma of the religion. The relics of the group consciousness which was conditioning us for hundreds of years with the superficial concept of God or some guiding entity lying outside of us. Somewhere “up in the heaven”. The concept, which hardly anybody even in the Vatican still believes in.
By going “up” it wants to move out of the form. Out of the body. Not realizing that everything valuable is happening inside of the body. And it has got an understandable reason. The physical body is not a comfortable place nowadays. It’s full of pain, pressure and suffering stemming from the unintegrated past memories. Full of karma. But that’s the deal. That is a challenge behind which the price lies. The next step humanity has to undergo is an involution. To descend into matter, into the human form, into the body. To embody itself. Ground down to Earth and strengthen the roots with the point we come from. To strengthen our foundations. Before we can truly rise and ascend in our whole beings, rather than in our minds.
It’s really up to us whether we respond to what’s coming or we keep reacting to Life. But it’s up to us only until a certain point anyway. For the beginning, let’s “imagine, there’s no Heaven”.
I’m not a big fan of the film industry, but I recently went to the cinema to watch a movie – the new Star Wars episode of Skywalker ascension. I heartily recommend it as it is a beautiful allegory of what’s coming towards us in the next years and what needs to be done in order to “ground”…
I wish you all the best and a happy new year 2020.